Welcome little one

Our latest grandson, Teo, just made his entrance to the world. Welcome Teo. We have been waiting for your entrance for a LONG time. How grateful we are for modern medicine.

You are such a sweet spirit, and your parents are so special. Your mom is such a special loved daughter, and she married a very sweet man, who you get as your dad.

Welcome to our family. You have been born to a very loving couple. They have waited for a long time for you to come, and they have longed for you and loved you long before you ever came. Your mom has babysat little nieces and nephews all these years and knows all about taking care of little ones. She is very capable. Your dad is a sweet man, and is very cute with children. They will provide a wonderful environment for you to grow.

Your extended family is a great group of people as well. You have grandparents and great grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, great aunts, uncles and second cousins who are all rejoicing at your arrival.
I am so excited to watch my daughter, your mom, become a mother. She will do a great job. Do you realize you look so much like her? I looked at baby pictures and I can't believe how very much you resemble her. Your sweet Dad is already teaching you Spanish and reading you books.  

You are lucky to be born in such a happy family who loves the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and honors the Priesthood. You will be raised in a sweet environment that will help you gain a testimony. I can't imagine life any better. God bless you as you begin this new life. May it be long and happy.

Welcome sweet new one.

Overwhelmed

Gratitude.

I hardly trust my voice to speak,
therefore it is a good thing this is a blog
and I can express my deepest,
most overwhelmed,
grateful,
heartfelt
THANK YOU
to my sweet family.


This arrived in the mail today.
What's This? I thought.

delivery confirmation??? why???

It is not a special occasion.
My birthday is a month away.
That is what threw me off guard.

Upon opening it, there was that beautiful red folder.

Still wondering what this son and daughter-in-law were sending me,
these thoughts went through my mind:
I wondered what special thing had happened in their family to merit this.
Their oldest graduated from Kindergarten last year, so that's not it.
They just announced they are expecting their 5th child in May,
so it wasn't some sort of announcement. . .
They usually they send greetings at Christmas, Birthdays,
Valentines,
Mother's and Father's days
and thank you notes.

I opened it with shaky hands, but what I saw next made me sit down.
(you can click on the pictures to see closer)

And as I turned the pages,
my vision was blurred with tears.

I LOVE Mannheim Steamroller Christmas!!!
And Abravanal Hall is so wonderful.
I have sung there many times, but only once before
have I been in the audience and got to truly appreciate its beauty!

but that's not all. . .

And as I read through the sweet pages,
I had to flee for a Kleenex or three.

How SWEET IS THIS?
a little extra $ for incidentals.
And see those beautiful gold envelopes
and the gilded pages?

Let me just say, I have been dreading this next birthday.
It is that milestone that always connotes
OLD
I don't care how many ways you put it,
it is just plain OLD
and nothing can redeem that.
AARP sends you stuff.
Your SS starts threatening to kick in.
Retirement looms ahead
along with all the ill effects of
OLD AGE.
It is over the halfway mark*.

I cried at 25.
I was fine by 30 but struggled again at 40
then 50 (*I consider this halfway)
I was bemoaning 50
to my friend Zoe. . .

. . .until she told me that
she LOVED being 50!!!
she explained:
Your kids are grown,
You can talk to them as adults

you are getting grandchildren soon,
(if you don't already have them)

It is all so wonderful!!!


And you know what? She was SO RIGHT.

This last 10 years have been amazing.
We have witnessed the marriage of all our children
to wonderful mates
They are living really upright and righteous lives
finishing school and
getting wonderful jobs.

They are raising beautiful, intelligent, and DARLING
Children =Grandchildren for us.

It is amazing and very sweet.
and they are really wonderful people.

I already knew that, but here is just one more way
that shows how fabulous they are.


After reading this,
I wanted to get on the phone right away
and thank them all in person.

But calling my husband was hard enough through my tears.
I just couldn't control myself to talk.

He was alerted when he heard my sniffs and sobs
(He thought someone had died.)
I knew that is how he would react.

So calling my children just wouldn't work just yet. . .
. . .not right now, anyway.

When I gain my composure, sweet Children
I will call each one of you
to thank you for your contribution
and your most kind words.

I hope all reading this are having a wonderful day
~a

::flees the room for another Kleenex::

Finding Faith

note: The following is from my notes I took at Women's Workshop held at our Stake. I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I wanted to add these notes to my blog for my own reference, because it was a spiritually growing day in my life.

Today was a Women's Conference at our Church. We had three classes offered in a two hour period. This meant we could choose two out of the three. There were guest speakers for the classes, two of which were our local doctor and a former State Representative. The third works at Deseret Book in Salt Lake. She was our guest speaker last year, and was invited back to give a workshop. She also was asked to suggest a main speaker for the conclusion. She chose this wonderful woman named Chris who is blind.

Chris began by asking us to think of how the Spirit teaches us, how Christ communicates with us. She also told us to think of a problem in our lives that we have today. Then she told us her story.

Then she told us how her doctor discovered the tumors in her eyes when she was 7 months old. The medical terms were Bilateral Retinoma Blastoma. The specialist they went to see walked in with no compassion and basically told the parents that they may as well get used to the fact that their daughter would never see, and that one eye was going to be removed tomorrow and the other one radiated. Stunned and feeling darkness, the parents decided to get a second opinion. They found a different hospital who decided to radiate both eyes instead. It saved some of her sight, but she had limited vision.

As she grew, her temples did not because of the radiation which gave her head an hour-glass shape. She interjected that all women want an hour-glass shape. She did, but not necessarily where it is. She prefers it in her waistline, which she didn't get she said laughingly.

When she was 8 they discovered another tumor, this one in her right eye, and even after the surgery to remove it, she completely lost sight in that eye. They told her it was only swelling from the surgery and it wouldn't go away. But it didn't. Her left eye was the one the doctor would have removed, leaving her completely blind at a very young age.

She remembers the turning point in her life then. As she listened, she realized all this would not go away, she would always have a misshapen head, she would never see out of that eye again, she couldn't do the things she wanted to do. Her first reaction was "why me?" It was a turning point in her life, and she did the thing she says she was best at. She threw a huge temper tantrum right there in the doctor's office hallway.

Her mother just held her and loved her, all the while praying for the Spirit to tell her what to tell her daughter. When Chris was reduced to tears and sobs, her mother whispered into her ear. This wise mother told her that she could choose how to react to this tragedy. She could be bitter, or she could take these problems to Heavenly Father.

Chris took this to heart and went right upstairs to her bedroom and poured her heart out. She remembers receiving a very specific answer that Jesus Christ would help her. She said this is a great experience for an eight year old.

Then she skips ahead to five years ago. She noticed the limited vision began to close in and fade. She went to doctor after doctor. None of them could find a solution or a reason. Then one day, she felt the Spirit tell her specifically to get a CT Scan. The doctors wouldn't listen. One even told her it was the dry environment, and she should move to Hawaii. She said laughingly she would happily have done that if insurance would pay for that. But soon thereafter she had to be hospitalized for a splitting headache. The CT Scan showed nothing.

Here she interjected with her great humor, that, well, yes it showed she had a brain, but it didn't show why it was hurting so much. After a second CT Scan, the doctor told her to take the CT Scan to an Ophthalmologist, that there was something in the eye socket. It revealed two things: another tumor and air bubbles in her brain. They had been caused by the lining over her brain had been weakened by all the radiation. This was causing the pain, but the cancer meant they needed to remove that eye, or this time it would take her life.

Her mother had taken her to the doctor and asked her what she wanted to do. She felt bitterness returning. She was married, she had children. She asked her mom to take her to Temple Square. They walked to the Christus statue. She remembers standing there, wanting to feel Christ's arms around her. She just stood there and cried and cried. As she stood there, she remembered a scripture. John 14:27 which says,"Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." She felt the Spirit and realized she must trust Heavenly Father. This moment, she felt was a turning point in her life, and thus a holy one.

She asked her mom to take her across the square to the Temple. There she stood, looking up at those tall granite walls, and she prayed. She thought of her husband and children, and how this would affect them. She prayed for her eyesight, and in the same sentence, she uttered,"thy will be done" and asked that the two somehow be brought together. She realized then that it was not Heavenly Father's will that her eyesight be restored. She didn't know why, but she realized what must be done. She gave her will over to Heavenly Father, and that moment in her life became a holy one.

That next Monday in the prep room, the perky nurse came in with a Sharpie. She was to write "YES" with the Sharpie on the eye the doctor was to remove. She said she couldn't do it. Finally, her husband did it for her.
Again she interjected that she fantasizes about writing on his face with a Sharpie while he is sleeping.
People would say to her, "you're so strong! The Lord doesn't give you any more than you can handle." She said these words didn't make her feel better, they were like a knife in the heart. She needed strength and felt like she had none. She said these things happen so you can turn to Christ. Two things to remember are these:
There is Grace available to you. He will give you an enabling power and bless you with strength.
There is Hope. Put your hope in Jesus Christ.
She knows the blindness won't last forever, and her "hour-glass figure" won't last forever
With hope cometh faith. It is the anchor to goodness for man. This world is hard, but there is a better world, the world to come, on the right hand of God.
But there is hope in this life as well. There is joy. At one time, she thought she would never smile or laugh again.
She has found that laughter has always been the better part of life. She has found humor in her situation. Then to give examples, she told a few funny stories.
The first one was in the hallway in Church. A well-meaning woman stopped her and asked if she was teaching her children sign language. "Why would I do that?" she queried. The woman answered, "So you can communicate with them."
Kids ask her, how do you drive? She answered that she used her white cane, and when she hit something that meant to slow down and find her way around it. It seemed to make sense to the children. She explained that she has never been able to drive and has never driven, and added legally.
She told of how the Bishop had asked her to give the closing prayer. As she anticipated this, she decided to use her cane, because if she had asked her husband to take her, he would have had to bring the baby, then the four-year old would not want to be left alone on the bench, and would have come up with them. She really didn't want to cause a scene. But when he announced that she would say the prayer, he also told the congregation that a deacon would help her to the front. She said that unless you are taught, it is hard to guide a blind person. They shuffled to the front then he left her about three feet away from the lectern. She began to find her way, and in a panic, the Bishop and his counselor both jumped up and guided her to the lecturn, one on each side.
she told us, "Now after all that, I'm supposed to pray?"
She said, Each of us has sadness in our lives, so we can turn to Jesus Christ and turn ourselves over to Jesus Christ. There is healing available in Jesus Christ. We can become holier because of hard times. We must go to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to become Holier.

I hope this is helpful to anyone reading it. It has been to me.
God Bless
~a

Grandma's Quilt

Use it Up, Wear it Out, Make it Do, or Do Without

My Grandma was the most amazing woman. To me, she is the epitome of the word Grandma. She was the best cook ever to be born, she also embroidered, she sewed, not only for us, but for our dolls as well.
Our dolls had mattresses, pillows, quilts and nice clothes because sweet Grandma took the time to make them for us. But our dolls weren't the only ones outfitted with bedding. There was one time as I was snuggling into bed that I realized all my night-time comforts were due to my Grandma. The lamp I used to read with was purchased with Birthday money from her. My pillow was made by her, from the feathers of her chickens. The pillowcase that covered the pillow had been sewn, embroidered and crocheted with an edging by her. My warm nightgown, again was made by her. And lastly she made my quilt. You can see a picture of a quilt that has pretty much disintegrated that she made. The white part in the photo is the muslin cover that encases the warm wool batt. She made a pillowcase for the batt, then quilted the batt with its pillowcase in a grid formation to keep it from balling up. Then she made an outer cover for it and finally she tied it with brown yarn. This quilt top is falling apart, but the batting inside is still fine. So I am in the process of taking it apart, cutting all the brown yarn and pulling off the outside. I will make another cover for it and we will be back in business. Because of its fragile nature when I got it, I put it up for a day when I could recover it. But I kept finding it on my children's beds. They all loved the warm, heavy wool batt and wanted that quilt, in spite of the fact that it was so raggedy.
When we owned a farm, we had sheep that we sheered every spring. We could send the wool to a mill and have it made into batting and blankets. It was done on an exchange basis, so they took part of our wool as payment to convert the rest into batting and blankets. I had 12 wool batts made and then made each child a wool batt quilt, like my Grandma had made for me, because I loved it so much.
I was happy that my mother let me have this old quilt, and I am making good use of it now. I will put a pretty cover over it and it will again become the much coveted blanket in the house.
Grandma, if you happen to be looking down from Heaven, just know that your legacy still lives on. Thank you for your great example, heritage, knowledge and LOVE. I love you Grandma.

xxoo
much love
~a

In Thee is Gladness

I heard the MoTab* sing this two weeks ago on Music and the Spoken Word, and have continued to sing it in my head. It makes me so happy. I just want to dance when I hear it.
*Mormon Tabernacle Choir

As I have said before, this blog is mostly one I keep like a journal, plus it keeps kids up to date with my coming and going. But sometimes I post something I don't ever want to forget. This song fits that category.

Of course the MoTab sang it much better. They sped up the tempo and sang it much lighter. Which made me want to get up and dance all the more when I heard it. That is accomplishing quite a bit, since the day it was broadcast, I was in the middle of my illness that wiped me out for 10 days.

I *love* that choir.

hope this makes you happy too.
~a

Its been awhile

Sorry for not posting sooner. I have been really busy. I even got a comment from one friend saying she thought her reader wasn't working.

Getting ready for Christmas always takes a powerhouse of energy, and I work best under that kind of pressure. I have count-down lists in my head and manage to meet those deadlines. It is necessary to postpone and cancel the less important things. Therefore the blogging has suffered, as have the Christmas cards.

I got a quilt top made for Sailor and put together some fun Christmas bags for all my children, sister and her two girls. We got most of the Christmas stuff to our children before Christmas, except for the ones who live out of state. We were traveling their way, so that made things easier. I just stacked their things by the door. We would leave right after Sacrament Meeting and get there about 1 in the morning.

Earlier in the week, our D3 called. She didn't sound very good, and when we asked the problem, she began to sob. Her husband had just gotten laid off from work. This couple had carefully planned everything in their lives. They had waited until he was done with his Bachelor's and Master's degrees and a really nice job secured with an amazing company, before they started a family. They had purchased a house and had begun to fix it up. All the rooms were painted, carpets removed, wooden floors polished, kitchen and bathroom remodeled, and family room cozily furnished before the baby arrived.

She had returned to work once a week in a doctor's office and life seemed to be going great for them. She told us that she needed us to come up to help fix an older car. The really nice one they had just purchased had to be sold, so the older one needed to work. So instead of the pre-Christmas list, we dropped everything and rushed up to help.

Sailor had taken up the "way of the wrench" back when the children were young in order to keep us in older, but working cars. Then to furnish all the children with hopefully reliable transportation when they left for college. Because the cars were old, we ran many rescue missions to fix cars and help out stranded children. In the course of fixing, Sailor has acquired many tools and books to help him diagnose and fix the cars. He has become so amazing at diagnosing that sometimes when the children call and describe a car problem, he can help figure it out.

This ambitious SIL3 had let no grass grow under his feet and within a week of the lay-off, he had already secured another job with a local firm. We were informed through a text on our cell phones two days before Christmas that he had gotten the job. The former employee had given him two-weeks pay, so actually they came out ahead in their budget. We acknowledge the hand of God in blessing them in this way.

On the day before our scheduled departure, our son (S3), daughter-in-law (DIL3) and their sweet little baby daughter came for a friend's reception. They chose to spend the night here. Which was fabulous. I had a duet in the Church choir that I was going to sing, so I was happy to have some family here to support me.

But just as they went to bed, she began to cramp. She had told us at Thanksgiving she was pregnant, then announced this last week that she was losing the baby. But the actual miscarriage took place here. I felt so terribly bad for her, but was so glad we could be on hand to care for her sweet little daughter. My son spent most of the time by her side and running errands for her needs. So I am glad we could watch their baby so they didn't have to worry about caring for her as well. We ended up skipping Church for the most part. Sailor got in on the Priesthood part, I got in on Sacrament Meeting and sang my song. As this poor, sweet DIL3 suffered through the labor, we told our son not to rush to leave, just to take their time. As we had planned on traveling right after Sacrament Meeting, we began to make alternate plans. When the worst was over, he carried his little bride to the couch, surrounded her with pillows and comforters and brought her soup and crackers. Sailor had made a Jello for her. She looked as white as a sheet. We gave her a heat pad for her stomach and she laid there and recovered.

Some time during the whole ordeal, she had called her mom. She agreed to meet them on the interstate and pick her up and take her to their home. S3 had to work up through Christmas Eve. Plans were made to see their family doctor the next day.

We got on the road only an hour and a half later than planned. The truck was all packed the day before, so it didn't take much to load the last minute things and embark.

We got to my mom's home by about 2:30 in the morning, and were so wired from all the caffeinated drinks that we buzzed for about an hour. But at least we had dry roads and were safely there.

Monday was pretty much a recovery day. We felt jet-lagged. We had a wonderful time celebrating with my Mom, sister and her friend, and her twin daughters. That night we went to Sailor's Mom's birth town to celebrate another reunion. It has been a tradition to have this reunion Christmas night. They bring pot-luck food and their stringed instruments. We have a whole book of Christmas carols and are accompanied by a piano, violin, guitar, bass and flute. It has been very fun to attend these whenever we are in the area.

Then we headed to S1's house. The day after Christmas, we celebrated with S1, his family and D2 and her family. There had been several flu bugs going around, but thankfully everyone was well. The only down part is the last day there, in the evening, I felt like I might be getting a cold. I took the usual preventatives, Musinex, Sudafed, Cold Snap and water all day Monday as we drove home. Thankfully, Sailor was not affected by the bug. But I slept almost the whole way home. That makes me sad, because I just LOVE traveling with him, and I felt like I missed 8 whole hours of "just us" time. Our plans to join S2 and his family for New Year's Eve was canceled as well. We will make it up to them later. I hate to disappoint the children, because he had indicated they were excited to have us come visit.

So for the last day, I have mostly unpacked and tried to recover from this head cold. And that is where I have been. I will include pictures later. My Christmas cards have not been mailed, not even the email version sent. I feel badly because I have received so many really nice cards and gifts, but just don't have the stamina it would take to complete this task. bleah

My prayers go out for my sweet little friend Lori, who apparently fainted on the landing of the stairs. She basically did a face-plant and broke several bones in her face. I feel so badly for her and ask everyone to join me in praying for her full recovery.

I will post more when I feel better.

*¦*:·-·:*HAPPY*:·-·:*¦*:·-·:*NEW YEAR*:·-·:*¦*

love to you all
~a

New picture

Some of you have asked for a couple picture of us. I haven't liked many pictures of us as a couple, but here we are, in all our glory, Sailor 'n' me. Isn't he so cute. I love that man.

I usually wear my hair curled down, but for some reason that morning, I tried curling it out and I like it. It stayed pretty nice all day. I curled it at 9 am and this picture was taken at 7 pm without much touch-up at all.

If you kids (speaking to my children) want a copy, either click on it and copy it to your computer or send it to the nearest Walgreen's or Walmart.
Love you all
~a

WOW, just WOW

Last night our Choir performed our 'Hits of the Sixty's concert, Imagine in the Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center in downtown Salt Lake. We had 11 songs, including Aquarius, Happy Together, Beatles Medley, Association Medley featuring Cherish, Beach Boys, Feelin' Groovy, and a quadruple quartet singing Barbara Ann, Big Girls Don't cry, In My life and a soloist singing a Mama Cass, Dream a Little Dream of Me. Sailor video taped the program. It sounds amazing. I will try to put at least one song somewhere here on the blog.

We have been practicing since August. Some of us have had a wonderful time remembering the music of our youth. The other members of the choir, who hadn't been born then, still enjoyed the great music.

The house was sold out, the audience was amazing. We just had such a wonderful time. The audience was singing along and at one point I looked up to see the people in the balcony all with their cell phones lit up pointing towards us and waving back and forth to the beat of the music. I have never seen such an amazing audience. I don't think I have had so much fun at a concert, and that includes our Carnegie Hall performance and our trip to Austria. Although those were amazing times too. This Choir has a way of giving us so many wonderful experiences. I don't believe I have had such fun as I have in the last 5 years belonging to this choir.

I have said it before, "that the concert we just put on was the best one ever", and I will probably say it again, but this one tops all. I don't know how we can ever top it, except to do another Sixty's concert next year with more great music. There was so much good music produced in that era we just touched a tip of the iceberg. The only regret is that the choir didn't memorize their music. In my old choir, we were required, and there were a bunch of OLDER ladies in that one. We had to do dances and stuff with our singing and we COULDN'T hold music. I think this choir is capable of memorizing, they just don't know it. But, WOW how we could have rocked if we hadn't been encumbered with those stupid folders. Mine basically stayed on the front page of the most current song, and sometimes I forgot to turn to the latest one we were singing, so I did have mine memorized.

Anyway, I have been humming the music for the last 6 weeks and last night we had to turn all that music in as we exited the stage.

Next week we practice for a ground-breaking for a new wing on the Huntsman Cancer Center, and after that we start on our Christmas Concert.

Have I mentioned before how much I LOVE being in this choir?

~a

Pro bono

Yesterday, for some reason, turned out to be Volunteer Day for me. In the morning, I returned a call from my former voice teacher. I was hoping she had some kind of musical thing she wanted me to do. Instead, she asked if I knew anything about framing pictures. As a matter of fact, I used to work in an art and framing store, matting and framing pictures. I went to her house, and by noon, I had finished framing her picture. Then I moved on to a dress someone wanted me to hem with my serger. The friend I was doing this for had traded me a spool of wooly nylon for my work. My serger didn't work on this very frail fabric and ended up leaving a frayed edge and a line of serging thread that had frayed off the end of the fabric. I fiddled and experimented and finally ended up sewing a rolled hem on my other machine.
Finally in the evening, my sweet neighbor who has been my best friend since I moved here 20 years ago ended up coming over, since poor Sailor was called out to work a graveyard shift as the welders fixed some blown out tubes at the power plant. We had a "girls night out" or maybe I should say "in" as we made handouts for her upcoming lesson in Relief Society. I had so much fun with my sweet friend laughing and talking while we made her handouts. We were going to watch a movie, but ended up just talking. Her dad has been terribly sick and then died this spring, and she has been so busy either taking care of him for years or just recovering from his death that I haven't seen much her. It was such a fun evening, even though we dragged to bed by 3:00 a.m.
I am still working on my grand daughter's blessing dress which has to be done by Saturday when she is blessed in her home.
Sharing talents and serving others is such a refreshing thing to do. I find myself so much happier when I have done something for someone else. Its amazing when doing these types of things how one is no longer focusing on themselves but busily and happily serving someone else.
And even though I feel wiped out from keeping such late hours, I cherish that time spent with my sweet friend.
~a

ooo Adam, that must have hurt

Saturday morning I took a spill. I stepped on some boards awaiting to be used in our new fence that were lying on the back patio. Something slipped and I did a face-plant on the concrete. It was NOT fun, but no skin was broken, no blood spilled, nothing was even scraped. Eventually I gathered what was left of my dignity and with Sailor's help got uprighted again. But I noticed soon after that my rib hurt. I have a bruise under my right breast, and it hurts to breathe deeply, laugh, cough, sigh or sneeze. Hiccups are bad too. It also hurts to lie down. This does not contribute towards good rest.
I cannot help but think of how Adam must have felt when he awoke to find a missing rib and a pesky woman by his side. But I am glad God created woman. I sure love being by my husband's side and sharing this life with him.

In other news, I would like to talk about our amazing tomato crop. We are enjoying many bowlfuls of tomatoes every day. We have had many BLT's, tomato salads and other tomato dishes. Our latest recipe uses our Champion juicer. I send about 6 large tomatoes, 3 stalks of celery, 3 anaheim peppers, a tiny piece of jalapeno pepper, parsley, garlic and 6 carrots through the juicer, and after Sailor adds some good spices, we have a pretty delicious V-7 drink. We have plenty of canned tomatoes, so we are using them fresh and loving all the delicious fresh food from the garden!

Finally, I noticed the neighbor dog barking more than usual lately. He had pretty much shut up since we installed that fence. We were enjoying much more privacy, since he didn't announce our every move. But lately, no matter what I did, he barked. What's with that? I finally looked over to see two eyes and a nose peeking under the fence! Upon closer examination, I discovered the stinker had dug a grand canyon on his side of the fence and under the fence and now had a snake's eye view of our yard. This dog is really bored. I picked up my weapon of choice, the spray hose, and gave him a good face wash, but that didn't stop him. I plugged it up with pieces of rock and concrete, thinking the problem was temporarily solved until Sailor could do something more permanent.
Later that day, I went outside to gather carrots and found a neighbor cat running away and barking coming from the fence. I picked up the spray hose to chase the cat off. I saw what I thought was our orange cat chasing him, but when I looked around the tree, it was a cocker spaniel! Did I mention the neighbor has 8 dogs? I sprayed him and he scampered to the fence to a second hole! Stupid Golden Retriever had dug a second hole a little to the east of the first! It wasn't big enough for GR to fit, but the cocker could fit under and was enjoying his new-found playground. I waited until Cocker was half way through, struggling to fit and gave his butt a good long wash while he scampered to safety on the other side.
The second hole was larger than the first! But worse, the rock pile under the first had some noticeable gaps. Upon closer examination, I realized some of the rocks I had placed in the hole were gone. I placed another piece of concrete in the gap and watched as GR carefully pawed it until it came to his side of the fence, then I peeked through the cracks to see him pick it up with his mouth and move it a yard from the fence.
::eye roll:: I have a formidable contender here!
Sailor saved the day that night when he dug a trench on our side and poured concrete, then built it up to almost meet the fence. Upon talking to the neighbor, he told us that he had seen the hole and had filled it up twice, thinking it was fixed. They had also noticed GR standing on the picnic table on his hind legs and leaning on the fence so he could see us. Neighbor moved the picnic table away from the fence to the middle of his yard, but that didn't stop this bored dog. The next time Neighbor looked out, he saw GR balancing on his hind legs on the picnic table, now in the middle of the yard and barking. He couldn't stay in that position long without losing balance, but he was still trying to see us. I think the neighbors are frustrated by him, but also mildly amused. It is a bit funny, if you think about it. That is ONE.DETERMINED.DOG! The Neighbor's daughter says "he is so smart, he is stupid!" That makes sense to me. I think I even made that comment.
What next? I cannot grow bushes fast enough to cover the gap 6 feet above ground, so I am not sure. But Sailor says he will lay concrete under the existing fence and in the future will put that down before he builds the rest of the fence. More expense and work. Yikes!


::shallow sigh:: ouch, ouch, ow

have a nice day
~a

lonely

My sweet husband has gone fishing at Lake Powell for a week with "da boys". This is something he has never done before. He has always found an excuse not to go. He has been invited for years to come along, but he is such a homebody and would rather spend his time in the back yard working on his many projects. With the high cost of gas, he thinks his friend will sell his boat and pick up soon, and this trip may be that boat's Swan Song, so he agreed to go along. They left on Monday and won't be home until Friday.

Now mind you, he has gone on business trips before. I have been left behind, but this feels different. Maybe because there is no cell phone service. At least when he was gone before I got a call every.single.night. This is so lonely, it feels almost like a death.

The first day he was gone, I moped around. I planted some flowers, but mostly I was just sad. Almost a depression, I think, because my projects that usually perk me up just stayed where they were. I would just look at them and sigh.

Today I went up north for choir and to see D2 and her sweet little children. We worked on another quilt and visited. I held the baby for a long time. We had a good time. I got home at 11:30. Usually my sweetheart is here waiting up to make sure I got home safely. He was not here. This house is so empty without him. He makes this home come to life. I really miss him.

I was grateful that my neighbor is a night person, because I called her before my cell phone ran out of range and told her to watch for me in an hour. I was scared that if my car broke down or worse if I fell asleep at the wheel or hit a deer and had an accident, I wouldn't have anyone who would even miss me and I could parish out in the middle of the desert. . .

When I got here, the crazy neighbors were making smores over the barbecue in the front yard and invited me over to share one with them. They were delicious. That is the other thing, I have not eaten properly since he left. Wow what a horrible widow I would make. I don't know how those sweet hearts who are widows do it. I have absolutely NO discipline. I eat terribly, I don't go to bed when I should, nothing gets done around the house. I AM A MESS!

And now since it is 1 in the morning, I guess I had better try to sleep. I have such a hard time sleeping without my sweetheart snoring beside me. I love that man. I have told him before that he ABSOLUTELY.CANNOT.DIE.BEFORE.ME. Which he probably will even though I did not give him permission.

That old saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder" has never been so true. Give your sweethearts a big hug. This really does make me count my blessings. I am such a spoiled brat. He spoils me, and I really miss him.

*big sigh*

nite

~a

Happy Birthday, Best Friend

Dearest,

I just want to wish you a very Happy Birthday. You have been the love of my life for close to 36 years. I remember meeting you in March of 1972. You were one of the cutest guys there at the LDS Institute. I remember every evening after Sacrament that you would come and talk to me and how thrilled I felt when I would see you heading over to my part of the foyer. I remember clearly when you came in one day and asked if the seat next to me was saved, and I said, "for you."

I remember the one evening when your friend, "Paco" was telling us about a movie he had just seen. We were standing in the parking lot near my car, and I was a bit cold, so you put your arm around me. I didn't care if Paco told us the whole movie, just as long as you would keep your arm around me.

I guess we can say "the rest is history" and I am glad that history included both of us. You have been such a sweet husband and friend. I have loved the adventures life has led us through.

We started by living in a college town as we had our first child, and you finished your degree. Then moving to the farm. It was fun to raise goats, chickens, our flock of sheep and our kids. It was fun to have your folks across the street. It was a great place to raise children and I think they all loved it as well. Of course the Lord blessed us with a job at the Power Plant 20 miles away to support the farming "hobby". Then when the Power Plant closed down and we moved away, selling that farm with the beautiful 360 degree view.

The next place was cold, but we had a great adventure there for the 1 1/2 years we lived there. When that Power Plant looked shaky, we applied for and moved to another Power Plant in the next state. This is where we have stayed for 22 years now, raising our children. You have always made my life so fun. I continue to look forward to you returning from home from work every night. You are not only my best friend, you are my hero. You get up every.single.working.day and head off to the plant. Your job has provided us with a wonderful home and the things we have needed to get our children raised and launched. That is the physical part, you have also attended Church with me and led our family as a righteous patriarch. Along with going to work, you have also provided us with other physical comfort and safety.

You have built the children some beds, you chopped wood for our warmth, you grow beautiful gardens and have fixed enough cars that they should give you an honorary degree in car maintenance. We have had many adventures traveling to the college towns where our children attended school and fixing their cars.

Now you build boats. We have had some fun trips launching your boats. I remember the one time we floated down the river in that row boat. That was when you decided to get or make a sail boat and is what started the boat building. We have had some fun, albeit short, trips to Lake Powell. The actual sailing of that huge boat you built is certainly a neat experience and I think I love it more than that smaller one we rode in when the wind blew us all the way across the lake. But that was an adventure too. I think too, that even though I complain about the 5-hour drive down there (I guess I wish there were more shopping stops), I really love the time we spend together whenever we drive anywhere. I love listening to books on tape or just talking.

We never run out of things to talk about and I still love the silent parts where we just drive, holding hands and feeling comfortable in each other's presence to not worry about filling the quiet moments.

We will be celebrating our 34th anniversary in a week. They have been the sweetest years of my life. Thank you for being my friend, husband, lover, provider, father to my children, grandfather and all the other things you do to keep everything running. You are the best person I could have ever chosen to spend my life and eternity with. I am glad we found each other so long ago. It's been a happy ride.

Life has been so sweet.

Happy Birthday, Sweet Friend, and may this be just the "middle point of your life". I want to keep you around for a goooooood loooooong time.

with love,

~a

feels like home

I heard this on someone else's blog. I didn't know the name of it or the singer and the music has haunted me ever since. I began searching all the blogs I had previously visited finally found that blog again, then found it in Itunes. Thanks again Boo for the gift card you gave me two Christmas' ago. I am still using it.
Then I found this on Utube and the lyrics. So I never lose it again, I am putting it on my blog. I love these romantic songs, and I relate to them when I think about my Husband, Sailor.
Sweet Friend,
You have been my Best Friend for 36 years, and made me so happy when you married me almost 34 years ago. Thank you for making our marriage feel like home. These have been the happiest years. I couldn't have asked for a sweeter Friend. Thanks. I had so much fun today with you taking me to choir.
Enjoy this song that I hereby dedicate to you.
~a

It is called "Feels Like Home" by Chantal Kreviazuk

Something in your eyes
Makes me want to lose myself
Makes me want to lose myself
In your arms.
There's something in your voice,
Makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
The rest of my life.
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
If you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done.

It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where
I come from
It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night.
But I'm alright 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see through the dark there is light.

If you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch.
If you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much.

It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where
I come from
It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A tribute to Rodger

As I said in the previous post, I found out that my chiropractor, and friend died on Friday May 16,2008.
He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer earlier this year. Our Bishop says he has known several who have had it, and no one he has known has ever made it past 102 days. Rodger didn't make it to that mark.
He was such a good man. Besides his full-time job as Chiropractor, he was the Family History Director for as long as I can remember. He was very knowledgeable in computers and Family History. He was very kind and good with people and served many hours there. He also served on the High Council in our Stake, as Fire Chief of our local Fire Department. He also ran for and was voted into the City Council at that last election in November. He served for many years on Thursdays in the Temple as well. He also served as our Gospel Doctrine Sunday School teacher.

I never heard a word of complaint. I remember once I had a pinched nerve in my neck. I went to him to see if he could fix it. He worked for weeks, and I cried on his "shoulder" about how bad it was. It was Rodger who finally helped me cure it after 5 months of agony. He mentioned that he wished he could prescribe ultra sound. I had never heard of that being used to heal, usually it was to see how big the baby is, and tell the gender. He said an MD had to prescribe it, and I asked him which doctor in town would go along with his advice. He told me, and I went to that doctor. He was reluctant, but went along with it and after the first session I could feel a definite difference. After 6 treatments in the space of two weeks I was cured. Thanks Rodger. At the time I was serving with his wife in the Relief Society and in the Genealogy Library as well. I was thinking about quitting everything, but because of Rodger I was able to continue everything. Towards the end of his life, when the hospice workers were assessing his pain. They asked him how he would rate his pain, the worst being 10, the least being 1. His reply? "If 10 is what the Savior felt when He was on the cross, then I am a 1." And I complained and cried with a pinched nerve.

He and I had long talks, between the chiropractor visits and the Family History work. We were sort of kindred spirits in that we both love to travel. This man was amazing. He spoke French. He served a mission in France and majored in French. I remember once my husband mentioned to Rodger that he just got done reading the unabridged version of Les Miserables. My husband was so proud of having slogged his way through hundreds of pages of French history. Rodger said he had read it too, in French!

Today in the funeral, the Stake President mentioned his last visit with Rodger. He asked him if he could do anything for him. After a long pause, Rodger said he wanted his family to understand how much he loved them, but how after mourning, he wanted them to get on with life and not stay stuck in the mourning state. Then he mentioned he wanted his Temple Recommend renewed. Lastly, he bore his testimony of his knowledge that Jesus is our Savior, he died for us and because of this we all will be able to be resurrected and live with God again. He wanted his children to hear his testimony and asked the Stake President to speak at his funeral and convey this to them. I have to say, it was a "15-Kleenex-tissue funeral." A record for me.

A fitting tribute to him was the firemen of our local volunteer fire department who came in dress uniform. There were about 15 of them sitting in a row in the back. A large fire truck and a medium fire truck led the way and another SUV fire truck transported the casket to the cemetery. What Kleenex I hadn't used up at the funeral were finished off with this sweet tribute.

The image I will always have of Rodger is of he and Mary walking in the early hours of the morning past my house. Getting fit, talking and enjoying life together.

I always appreciated his kindness. The words I most often heard him say were "I understand." He has left a very large gaping hole in this community which will never be filled again. I am glad for this Canadian's life, and that he chose to spend over 20 years in this community. I am glad for my close association with him and his family.
His life and his sudden death have taught me two things:
1. I want to live a more Christ-like life.
2. I want to be sure I tell all those around me that I love them and cherish my association with them.
May God Bless you Rodger, and your dear sweet family. God Be With You 'Til We Meet Again.

One Of Those Busy Weekends

On Friday, my sister, her husband and I traveled to St. George to watch their grandson sing with the Phoenix Boy's Choir. Their director was once a director for the Vienna Boy's Choir. He was very strict and they were very disciplined and very good. He was trying to be very good so he could qualify for the next tour group. And when I say "be good" I mean follow all the rules.

They really did well and I had a fine time getting to visit all my sister's friends who live in that area and with her grandson. He would be my grand nephew. He is 11 and a very fine young man.


After spending the night, we went back to Salt Lake where we performed in Murray Park Amphitheater for Armed Forces Day. We had a packed "house", which has never happened before, and we had a good concert which ended in fireworks. Two of my girls came with their husbands and family. My husband had gone to a boat builder's mess-about at Starvation Reservoir and got there after the concert, then we went to D2's for ice cream and strawberries and visiting. We left pretty late and got home by 2 and finally in bed by 3:30 which made for a really hard Sunday. Needless to say we took naps after Church, but mine turned into a 4 hour nap. Which is bad later because it is hard to go to sleep after such a long nap.

That Friday morning, I found out after the fact, my chiropractor, Rodger finally died.
I will make that another post, I want to dedicate a whole post to my friend.
~a

A New Baby

This is an edited version of the original we posted two days ago. D2 felt it was too invasive to have a movie of her after surgery. Now you just see the baby. I thought she looked beautiful.



Dearest little L,
Welcome to our family, sweet tiny girl. You are so darling.
I want you to know what a sweet family you are born to. You have grand parents who are so thrilled you are here. And two great grand mothers as well.  Your great grandpas have both passed away, but I bet they were here to help you come into this world. They would be bursting their buttons with pride as well if they were here.

You have been born into a sweet and caring family. I can't imagine anyone better suited to be your parents than the ones you got. You also have a sweet older brother who will watch over you and protect you. How lucky is that? I always wanted an older brother. He is a special boy and you will have a wonderful time playing together.

How wonderful it is that you will be raised in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Your parents honor and love our Lord and Savior. They will bring you up in an environment that will provide all that is necessary to help you to be healthy and happy. I am so glad you have joined our family.

Welcome to this world, sweetheart.

have a nice day
~a

Its May! Many Blessings! (or L is for. . .)

L is for Love, (new) Life, Lambs, lilacs, lavender and. . . er well, spring. Well, L is not for Spring, but Spring brings all those L words into play, right?

The above image shows all my children, in-law children and grandchildren. It was so fun to meet at my gracious sister's & bro-in-law's home. We had a great day.

Yesterday we attended SIL3's graduation. We are so PROUD of him. He got his Master's degree in only one year in accounting, while working part time and his wife working full time. He also landed a great accounting job in town that starts in August, they purchased a home and are expecting in August. WAY TO GO!
We met up with his wonderful parents and sister (niece & nephew) & brother (they are SUCH NICE people~lucky D3), watched the graduation and then went out to eat. They picked Applebees, and lo-and-behold, we had a gift card from Christmas, so we had a very hardy meal for only $10 extra plus tip. Thanks MIL(mother-in-law)

May is a wonderful month. The weather is still fickle, its lambing season (I love lambs), lilacs are in bloom. I really love the spring, and especially lilac season. One of my favorite flowers, besides iris and tulips. The violets are growing wild in the grass. They smell so good.

May 1st there was an amazing storm which landed 23" of snow on the Alta Ski resort, so people were still skiing in May. This is something I wanted to record: snow and skiing in May.

Monday I get the privilege of standing to the side while D2 has a C-section. This is something I never even imagined I would get to observe. Of course, I have been present and awake for all 6 of my own children's births, but to be there for a daughter giving birth, even if it is a C-section, and especially if it is a C-section, makes me feel very humble and blessed, at the same time makes me feel awe. Thank You D2 and SIL2. I am very much looking forward to meeting this new, sweet little grand daughter. If she is anywhere close to as cute as her brother, she will be stunning. These two have the right recipe for cute. All my kids seem to have great gene combinations. All the grand children are stunning as is evident in the picture above. I'm a proud grandma (sorry)!
enjoy
~a

Missing You

Why is it that we take things and people for granted until they are gone, or almost gone?
The other night we went to D2's home, where she graciously hosted a birthday party for D1. They are really close friends as well as sisters. I relate to this friendship because my younger sister and I were close like that. But because of the distance between us (600 miles) we don't get to see each other as often as we would like.
D1 & D2 see each other each and every Wednesday. It is D1's day off and she comes to D2's house to do laundry, to watch D2's baby and allow tired D2 to sleep in after working all night at the children's hospital, and to visit most of the day after she wakes up. I love that they are so close.

As we left, sweet Grandson was in her arms and he made a little question-type noise. It sounded to me like: "Why is Fun Grandpa leaving already? Can't he stay longer?" He is almost 2 years old, and so darling. He recognized us immediately when we arrived and greeted us with happy smiles, and leaning into us so we would hold him. He spent most of the evening running back and forth between us and allowing each of us to hold and love him. Grandpa has the strength to lift him high and upside down and make his feet walk on the ceiling, and he loved it and giggled and begged for more.

As I heard that little inquiry directed at our backs, I began to cry uncontrollably and continued to cry for almost 10 miles. I don't usually do this now, but I used to every time I left my Grandma. I felt so silly, but couldn't help myself. What was that?

This weekend we helped S2 with some concrete work. His wife and family are in another state visiting her family. I saw tiny evidences of the sweet children, a Care Bear here, a tiny truck there, and I felt so sad they weren't there. I can imagine how empty it is for S2. I am not sure why I get so nostalgic, they haven't died or anything. What's with you, Annie? Buck UP! I remember once when my youngest daughter was only 2 years old and the neighbor came and picked all my kids up and took them to a birthday party. I stood there in the midst of a perfectly clean house and began to cry.

A dear friend and my chiropractor who is just a few years older than I has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I have respected this man for his wisdom, his knowledge of Genealogy, and especially his kind mannerisms. He has always been a friend, and always says: "I understand" in response to many of my complaints or frustrations. He is still so gracious, even in this trying time. He expressed how grateful he is for trials, and the fact that they make you stronger. He gave the Easter talk today on the Atonement. I was glad I had restocked my Kleenex in my Church bag. We have been neighbors for many years. I will miss him so terribly when he is gone and I pray mightily for his miraculous recovery. He is serving as the Genealogy director of the Family History Center of our town, the Fire Chief of the volunteer Fire Department and as a County Commissioner. He served for years in the Temple as well. He has always been calm and very kind. I cannot imagine how life can go on without this giant among us. I have always respected him, but now that I think about him not being here, I cannot imagine life without him or watching his little wife without him. It just can't be!

I have had friends move away, some that have left HUGE holes in my life. We call and write every so often, but generally unless one of us makes a concerted effort to go visit, no matter how much I loved these friends, generally once they are out of sight, life goes on with out them and basically you forget them until Christmas or some other special occasion. Then they are included on your mailing list. Some friends are only heard from in e-mails, and some are only those annoying forwards with nothing personal added. I guess this indicates that at least they are alive and well enough to forward me annoying email. I once had a circle of friends who I did everything with. I took them for granted. We remembered each other's birthdays and met for those occasions, treating the birthday person to lunch, and lavishing each other with Christmas gifts, and birthday gifts, etc. Then one moved away. We all were devastated. We continued with our circle of friends without the missing one, then another moved, then another, then I moved. Leaving behind one friend, who was terribly lonely. But she was not the only one lonely. I never had such a circle again. And as I have talked to these "sisters" none of them have ever had such a circle again either. It was such a rare sweet gift we had, and we all took for granted.

I know we cannot go through life thinking, "This may be the LAST time I see this dear friend or family member." How morose would that be? But how do we not take them for granted either? We get caught up in the every-day living and just expect that we will see them next week in Church or in choir. I tell each of them how much I love them, every time I see them or talk to them on the phone. I tell all my dearest friends "I love you." I know it is a little weird for some, but I tell them anyway, because I truly do.

I call my mother quite often. We both have free long distance. I signed up for this thinking of my mother especially. She cannot live forever, I know this, and I dread the day she has to leave this earth. I don't know if I can go on without her.

I text my sweet Zeepter often, and send her lots of emails. I receive all those cheesy and some really cool forwards from her, but this is evidence she is alive and I rejoice in them.

Last, but not least is my sweet husband. He is so good to me, he shows me every day how much he loves me. I do NOT take him for granted, and I know he feels the same. Daily we show and tell each other how much we mean to each other. It is easy because I see him every day, and not a day goes by without expressing our love to one another. He always leaves a sausage cooked in the pan for breakfast, he always kisses me good-bye in the morning, and I try to make sure the house is nice for him to return, laundry done, etc. He leaves every single morning and goes to work to earn the living. He is my hero.

Besides my good husband, I still think I take the rest for granted. How do we continue to live our daily lives and still express to our friends and family how much we cherish them?

I will send those questions out to the virtual universe and hope you will tell me how you express your affection for your loved ones.

Happy Easter

~a

Gratitude

We had a wonderful Holiday season this year. There were a few bumps, but all in all, it was sweet. I have met a few Grinches and Scrooges this year. Several have expressed how much they HATE Christmas. In fact I talked to one today and asked her if she was better than last week. She had told me last week that she was really ornery and it was because how much she hates Christmas. She even told me to ask her husband. This week she was all better, and she told me the tree was down and things were looking up. I feel sorry for her and her husband.

I don't understand this and really don't want to. I sort of know how much I hated Mother's day for years, it was because I felt inadequate. I felt like I just couldn't live up to all those wonderful stories of the PERFECT Mother that was the Speaker's mother. It didn't matter who was speaking, their mother was THE BEST ever.

So Maybe that is what being a Scrooge is all about, feeling pressure to be something you are not. Whether it is Santa, making it all magical for your kids, making sure the house is perfectly clean, bedding all in order, enough warm blankets, worrying about the food or the expenses, etc.

I used to feel overwhelmed and beat myself up for not accomplishing all the goals I had set out to do, but lately, I have chilled a bit. I forgive myself for not being super human. I budget money all year, saving out a certain amount, so I don't feel overwhelmed by money or lack thereof. I do the best I possibly can and that is all I can do. I have read some blogs of friends who claim to be OCD, where they want everything perfect, including the house to look spotless, and they about kill themselves off picking up after everyone and being upset over a bit of a mess. I guess I am glad I am a perceiver, one who doesn't have to have everything just perfect. The mess does get to me, but not to that extent.

Life is too short. I must find the humor in living. I must find the blessings that are all around me. I have family. I have sisters, a brother, and Mom, plus in-laws, and especially children and now grandchildren, who love me and whom I love dearly. We have our health and our lives. I'm not forgetting our beloved Dads who both have died and we miss them, but on the most part, we are all doing well.

A neighbor's young daughter just lost her husband in a car accident. He had a seizure and died while at the wheel. She is barely 25 or 26, a young mother of a year-old baby and pregnant with another. She just lost her husband, and on Christmas Day. We have our family and I am so grateful for this.

The blessing in my life right now is to have my sweet S3 home from his mission. He is the amazingly sweet and kind young man who just got married this last October. It was sweet to have him come home and watch him with his sisters who all just adore him. We have missed him while he served a 2-year mission for our Church.
Likewise, it was sweet to have D3, D2, and D1 with their spouses here as well. They are married to very sweet spouses who love them and treat them well. We also got to have a sweet little grandson here, he is so sweet. Children really put life into Christmas. And last, but not least is my precious husband. He loves me, shows me daily his love for me, in words and deeds. He is one of the kindest people I could have ever been lucky enough to marry and still be married to for almost 34 years. I want to return his sweetness and emulate his kindness. What a blessing to have a sweet spouse.

Besides family, I belong to a Church that I love. I love having a testimony of my Savior, and knowing He loves me enough to suffer and die on the cross for me and all of mankind. That sobering thought is enough to bring me to my knees to repentance of any sin I ever committed or will in the future. I love my Heavenly Father, who knows me by name and loves me enough to send His Son to Earth.

So, I guess what I am saying is, I could get all caught up in the Christmas rush and be disappointed in the things I didn't do or get, or be sad because of other real or imagined things, but I think my attitude is really all about Gratitude. When I count my blessings, then the slights, the failures, and all the other things that may have gone wrong don't seem so bad.

I know that when I am feeling grumpy, whether it is sickness or a bad day, it usually boils down to selfishness. If I reach out and serve someone, it helps me to not focus on my real or imagined problems. I try to think of my dear sweet husband and how I look to him. I always want to look good, to always be sweet and kind. I never want to hurt him. He is my best friend and the most important person. And I am so grateful to him.

I hope those of you who are reading this are having a wonderful day, and I wish you all a Happy New Year. God Bless your lives, families and homes in the coming year.

a

Big Sigh *sniff*

I love Christmas. I have said this before, but I want to start this post with that note. I LOVE CHRISTMAS! It is my most favorite time of year. I love the feelings of good will and love you have for all, including the ones who normally bug you. I love the snow, I love the shopping. I love the stockings, the quilts I try to make. I love the family, Roger Whittaker Christmas Album, Mannheim Steamroller Christmas albums, the star on my mountain, the Christmas carols, the Christmas Concert with my choir, everything.

So from about the first of October when we began to sing the Christmas songs for our concert, I began to think about Christmas. I think I ran on adrenalin for three months straight as I got ready for it.

I am not one to make lists on paper, or in a palm pilot, I make them in my head, and I was counting down with lists of things that took top priority. My plans were hugely interrupted when my future daughter-in-law asked me to sew her wedding dress. The wedding also took up many weekends, her endowments at the temple one weekend, their wedding the next, then their two receptions, one in her town and one in our town on two successive weekends. I am not complaining, just saying that my count-down had a few snags. There were a few other sewing jobs thrown in the mix from customers wanting things for Christmas plus two funerals in our Church that each took a whole precious day to serve the bereaved. All these times, my Christmas preparation was put on hold so I could accommodate the others. I had to compromise and throw out some of the things on my lists, like sending out Christmas cards. They will get sent, just will be late, I am sorry to say, but I could not stress myself any further by feeling guilty for things I could NOT do.

This year was our year to have all the kids come to our house. Four of the six children and spouses, and one grandson came. So on top of all the Christmas preparations, I wanted to make it extra perfect and magic for those coming to my house. Especially the newly-wed couple, since this would be her first Christmas away from her family. And our first Christmas in two years to have S3 home. S3 is one of the favorites of the older brothers and sisters. He has always been the sweet, easy-to-get-along-with baby brother and everyone was looking forward to having him back. How fun for him to have joined in the "married club" besides.

I actually pulled it off, with the help of my sweetest husband who took over all the cooking stuff and allowed me to continue to sewing these quilts. Just an explanation for those of you who don't know, we draw names every year. Each of us draws a family name, and my husband and I am in this drawing as well. The family or individual whose name we draw usually gets a homemade gift. But if they cannot make a gift, they try to get them a personalized or special gift. I always make that person a quilt. It started out with wool-batt quilts. The wool batt came from wool sheered from our sheep, back when we lived on the farm. We sent the wool away to Baron Woolen Mills and had it all made into wool batts. I covered each batt with a muslin pillow case which I stabilized with large basting stitches. Then I made a quilt out of them for each child. As I drew their names successive years, I would make them each a wool-batt quilt, a tied quilt, a jeans quilt and finally a pieced quilt. It was fun to just concentrate on one child each year.

But typically I found myself either not getting my name soon enough, or getting distracted and not getting the quilt made. Two Christmas' ago, I was trying to finish D3's quilt. I showed her the started pieces and she was supposed to get it in January. That was the Christmas DIL-1 was in a terrible car accident two days before Christmas and ended up getting a metal plate put into her head. I put off my regular trip to see my mom until February and hurried down to Mississippi to help take care of her for two weeks on the 2nd of January. Time hurried on and I found myself in November of that year, still on the same quilt. So before I started the next quilt, which happened to be D1, I had to finish D3's. D3 got her quilt, and D1 got hers in pieces, which were still in that same form this November. Finally I laid out the pieces, sewed them all together and one week before Christmas I was borrowing my neighbor's quilting frame and working like a slave to finish all the tying. It turned out beautiful, but I still had S3's to do. I did NOT want our new DIL3 to not get a present, so I worked hard to make sure it was done. They walked in just as I was finishing the last two seams of this rag quilt on Christmas Eve. Then I had to snip all the seams. They asked whose quilt it was, and I had to tell them, so they didn't get to open it. That made me sad. It turns out this DIL3 is pregnant and was NOT feeling well, so she spent most of her time sitting in the next room with a bucket. All the effort I did to make it special for her was not noticed. That made me sad as well.

One grandson came and got showered with fun things. He was a very grateful little recipient, and quite a delight. I loved every minute with this cute and special little guy.

But worst of all, I found out after they had left that one couple had not exchanged gifts with each other this year, because they had just purchased a house, and decided with their mortgage they just couldn't afford to. They graciously brought us gifts, and even a birthday gift for me, but only received two gifts. This made me feel perfectly awful when I realized this. The gifts we gave them were generous, but I felt bad that they sat and watched everyone open many gifts and only had one each to open themselves.

So today, the last of the four couples left. The dishes are done, kitchen cleaned, the Christmas cards still need to be printed, labeled and mailed. The living room carpet needs vacuuming, and the house is perfectly quiet and terribly lonely. The beautiful Christmas tree stands in the corner, continuing to rotate, but the magic seems to be gone. And I feel terribly sad. Part of that sadness is the knowledge of two people who died this season. One was our beloved director of the orchestra for our choir, the other was a husband of a very young former neighbor who was in Japan with the military and who left a young family behind. I don't know if it is the let-down that comes after the adrenalin is gone or if it is some of the perceived failures on my part or a combination of all. Either way, the tears are very close to the surface.

In years past, I am inspired as to how I will make Next Year an even better event. I have new plans for the things I will make. I have plans with a Monthly count down, beginning in January so I will be better prepared. I make a resolution to have it all done by October so I can do more things for my neighbors, more service projects and feel more of a spirit of Christmas. But tonight I don't feel any of that. I am not writing this to get sympathy, more for my own self, to work through why I feel so let down. I guess it is good to have the children come home only once every other year. I am not sure what we plan to do next year, but I am sort of glad we don't have to put on the party.

Actually the time I felt the happiest was at the beginning of the season, when S2 and his sweet family came for Thanksgiving. To make it magical, I put up the tree early and wrapped gifts for each of the sweet grandchildren. They had a grand time and I felt like it was a great success.

Happy New Year everyone. I hope 2008 is amazing for everyone reading this post.