lonely

My sweet husband has gone fishing at Lake Powell for a week with "da boys". This is something he has never done before. He has always found an excuse not to go. He has been invited for years to come along, but he is such a homebody and would rather spend his time in the back yard working on his many projects. With the high cost of gas, he thinks his friend will sell his boat and pick up soon, and this trip may be that boat's Swan Song, so he agreed to go along. They left on Monday and won't be home until Friday.

Now mind you, he has gone on business trips before. I have been left behind, but this feels different. Maybe because there is no cell phone service. At least when he was gone before I got a call every.single.night. This is so lonely, it feels almost like a death.

The first day he was gone, I moped around. I planted some flowers, but mostly I was just sad. Almost a depression, I think, because my projects that usually perk me up just stayed where they were. I would just look at them and sigh.

Today I went up north for choir and to see D2 and her sweet little children. We worked on another quilt and visited. I held the baby for a long time. We had a good time. I got home at 11:30. Usually my sweetheart is here waiting up to make sure I got home safely. He was not here. This house is so empty without him. He makes this home come to life. I really miss him.

I was grateful that my neighbor is a night person, because I called her before my cell phone ran out of range and told her to watch for me in an hour. I was scared that if my car broke down or worse if I fell asleep at the wheel or hit a deer and had an accident, I wouldn't have anyone who would even miss me and I could parish out in the middle of the desert. . .

When I got here, the crazy neighbors were making smores over the barbecue in the front yard and invited me over to share one with them. They were delicious. That is the other thing, I have not eaten properly since he left. Wow what a horrible widow I would make. I don't know how those sweet hearts who are widows do it. I have absolutely NO discipline. I eat terribly, I don't go to bed when I should, nothing gets done around the house. I AM A MESS!

And now since it is 1 in the morning, I guess I had better try to sleep. I have such a hard time sleeping without my sweetheart snoring beside me. I love that man. I have told him before that he ABSOLUTELY.CANNOT.DIE.BEFORE.ME. Which he probably will even though I did not give him permission.

That old saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder" has never been so true. Give your sweethearts a big hug. This really does make me count my blessings. I am such a spoiled brat. He spoils me, and I really miss him.

*big sigh*

nite

~a