1. A Sunday School teacher was telling the children about Jonah and the Whale. A skeptical little girl raised her hand and said she didn't believe that a full-grown man could fit inside a whale's mouth. It wasn't big enough to fit in.
The Teacher countered, "No, that is what the Bible says, the Whale swallowed Jonah." After quite a bit of discussion, the little girl just concluded, "Well, I will find out when I die, I will just ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah goes the other way?"
The little girl answered, "Then You ask him."
2. I have achieved a goal. For months now I have been working on my upper body strength. I heard that you don't have to go to the gym to achieve this, you can use household items, such as a sack of potatoes.
Start out with a 5 pound sack of potatoes in each hand. Hold them out to the side of your body for 30 seconds. I use the timer on my microwave. When you get so you can hold these fairly easily, graduate to a 10 pound sack in each hand. I have graduated to a 25 pound sack in each hand, when my husband walked in and asked me what I was doing. I was concentrating really hard, I only had 10 seconds to go, so I nodded to him, indicating I would tell him in a few seconds. When the timer rang, I relaxed put the sacks down and told him what I was doing.
"But shouldn't the sacks have potatoes in them?" he asked
OK, for anyone reading this who is Not of the Mormon Faith, just substitute in Your religion, and headquarters.
3. A man is traveling, and in each hotel he stays in, he notices a solid gold telephone with a sign beside it saying "Calls, $1000 per minute" He asked the hotelier what that was about. He answered that it was calls to Heaven. Sure enough, he saw these in several other hotels, until he got to Utah. In that hotel was the same gold telephone, but this time the sign read, "Calls, 35 cents for three minutes". He asked someone about this and the reply was, "Oh, here it is a local call."
4. The Pope calls his chief Cardinal and says, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is I just got a call from the Savior Himself, and he says that the Second Coming has arrived."
What is the bad news?
"The call came from Salt Lake."